When you’ve had a bad fucking day, and that day also happens to be your birthday? The suckation is real. Its as though the universe had it in for me today!
From the moment the clock struck midnight, I was inundated with issue after problem after mishap. Today was meant to be a happy day, but above all it was meant to be a different birthday from past years. At least that was my expectation, and boy were they met! Only not in the best of ways.
Everything that went wrong is too depressing to think about about or discuss. How I managed to cope however? That was a feat worthy of discussion.
I usually cope with stress by fixating on the worst possible outcomes and beating myself up about not doing better. Self blame and replaying the crisis over and over; that’s how I get by.
I have been trying to have a more positive outlook on life though. Like when my phone screen cracked after under two months of coming into ownership of it. I immediately launched into drama mode, until Carlton took me by the shoulders and looked at me straight in the eye and said, “it’s just a phone. It’s a material thing. It hurts but it can be fixed”.
I loose my shit on a regular basis, but people like Carlton who bring some calm to my oh so many storms are constantly teaching me a valuable lesson.
Which is to refuse to look at things as they are, and to create my own utopian reality where the mess isn’t really there. It’s nothing but a figment which is not only about to pass, but it’s not really there.
This is quite different from refusing to acknowledge a problem and accept responsibility. It’s owning your mess enough to not allow it to recur by relishing it’s “power”.
So today, as difficult as it was - cos the mess was real, I started to look forward to the rest of the day and how perfect it was going to be. Was it perfect in every way? No it was not. It certainly got better though. And this is what I choose to focus on.
I’m 26 years old and as I turn and look to the right of me, I realise i like this view.
On to the next 21st September.