DRIVING PAST, REMAINING PRESENT

I drove past someone with whom I have a particularly sordid past a few minutes ago.

In my mind, my foot slammed on the brakes, I did a reverse and a three point turn to get this persons attention.

I reality, my jaw dropped , but my foot remained on the accelerator, going no slower or faster than before I saw this person. I drove past, not in haste nor with hesitation; but with a calm sense and consiousness of my present life.

If i left Tumblr, it would be the final straw in my desertion of all social media. Of course I’d still want to blog, but it would probably be on a less social platform. I’m seriously considering this. None of it appeals to me any longer. Very little appeals to me in fact. There’s a numbness that is creeping over me. It’s so frightening. It’s so liberating.

EPIPHANY ALERT!

Rather than asking why this is happening to me. I’m realising that this would’ve happened anyway and my presence while it has happened is a blessing to the situation and all those involved

ONE HELL (LITERALLY) OF A BIRTHDAY

When you’ve had a bad fucking day, and that day also happens to be your birthday? The suckation is real. Its as though the universe had it in for me today!

From the moment the clock struck midnight, I was inundated with issue after problem after mishap. Today was meant to be a happy day, but above all it was meant to be a different birthday from past years. At least that was my expectation, and boy were they met! Only not in the best of ways.

Everything that went wrong is too depressing to think about about or discuss. How I managed to cope however? That was a feat worthy of discussion.

I usually cope with stress by fixating on the worst possible outcomes and beating myself up about not doing better. Self blame and replaying the crisis over and over; that’s how I get by.

I have been trying to have a more positive outlook on life though. Like when my phone screen cracked after under two months of coming into ownership of it. I immediately launched into drama mode, until Carlton took me by the shoulders and looked at me straight in the eye and said, “it’s just a phone. It’s a material thing. It hurts but it can be fixed”.

I loose my shit on a regular basis, but people like Carlton who bring some calm to my oh so many storms are constantly teaching me a valuable lesson.

Which is to refuse to look at things as they are, and to create my own utopian reality where the mess isn’t really there. It’s nothing but a figment which is not only about to pass, but it’s not really there.

This is quite different from refusing to acknowledge a problem and accept responsibility. It’s owning your mess enough to not allow it to recur by relishing it’s “power”.

So today, as difficult as it was - cos the mess was real, I started to look forward to the rest of the day and how perfect it was going to be. Was it perfect in every way? No it was not. It certainly got better though. And this is what I choose to focus on.

I’m 26 years old and as I turn and look to the right of me, I realise i like this view.

On to the next 21st September.

motivatethink:

Finding true peace, a sense of purpose and the reality of restoration, in spite of the several inevitable mistakes we are bound to make in life can be a rough process. It is possible to find such relief though, and one’s perspective and outlook on the causes and consequences of their mistakes…

motivatethink:

Perhaps if they had forgot about his existence

Or responded to the push of his resistance

They would have noticed he did not want to be saved

For there are some fates far worse than death

And some strays that crave unrest

 

He is not yet ready to come home

To return to your idealistic and populist outlook

On the condition of his lost soul

He is at rest in his squalor

And your unrest is his manor

 

So come the lost soul to leave home

And perhaps he will find his way back

When the sea of unrest that is his wandering mind

Simmers down and dries up

 

On his way out the crow beheld the dove come home and enquired of him

Is it true that out there blue skies turn grey and strong birds end up as prey?

Dove come home replied

Is it true that we all seek a home but after death and life and death again there is no place like it

 © 2011 MotivateThink

mood:happy

motivatethink:

Apparently you are the devil

And i am meant to fear you

Beware the dark of day that is he who approaches

they warn

We’ll save you if you save you

And like a swarm of bees

They fly off to make sweet things

Leaving me with one of whom they said to be afraid

Apparently…

motivatethink:

He spoke treasured mysteries

And refused to be pushed off his throne

As foes fell to his cunning and charm

The Grandfather of Words

So full of life and history

Fell prey to this old crone

He would never have thought her wiser

Nor her intellect akin to his own

But he learned…

motivatethink:

ThERE Isn’t mUch LEFT OF mE

ThE REsT OF mE has mOVEd On

And FOUnd A hIghER cALLIng

ThE bEsT OF mE Is sTILL tORn

bEtwEEn ThE RIsIng And fALLIng

dEsIRE OF wAnTIng yOU In my lIfE

my fIRsT And OnLy

my bEsT And sLOwLy, I FAdE

dEATh Is As sURE As pEOplE FALL

And ThE REsIdUE OF LOVE…

motivatethink:

You came like the summer rains 

And although I knew the sun would shine again 

I wanted naught but to be drenched in you to the bone 

You felt like a kiss of respite 

You weren’t a storm, you never blew me away 

You weren’t so cold, to make me run for cover 

You were like new weather

Like this season would change forever

And then you were gone like you were never

You came like the summer rains 

Engulfing and soaking to the bone

 © 2013 MotivateThink 

mood: like nothing can describe